I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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