Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
