I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
