if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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