saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize