the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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