I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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