recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
