he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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