So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
