so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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