I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
