so that wasnt chicken after all
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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