Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I puked a lego.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..