Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.