I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.