I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We need to get me chipped asap