super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
