What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
