The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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