Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
