she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
