he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
