There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
