I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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