Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Vodka?
Forever.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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