I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize