I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
