I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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