Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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