Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
