Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
