now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Randomize
