I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
