You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
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He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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