You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
