I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
