Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
