is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
