just come out here and I will go home with you...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
