I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize