I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
