the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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