if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
