I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
