Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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