I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
