Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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