Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
