my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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