something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
