Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
