...so i touched it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
