I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
