YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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