Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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