belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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