My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
