Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
