can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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