addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
