I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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