Welp...herpes.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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