i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
