ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
