My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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