i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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