She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Blood and glitter go together right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
