We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
