No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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