he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
